A statue

On a rather gloomy day, I decided to go on a run, clear my mind a little. I was running as fast as a could overwhelming my eyes and mind with all the things i saw. My feet causing mud to splash all around me. It was raining, But i didn't mind, I just kept running. Until i came upon a bench at this school i used to know when i was a child. It had changed so much, I sat on the bench to catch my breathe. I was breathing so heavily my heart was racing but i felt relieved to have worked off breakfast that morning. As i was sitting there, i noticed a single rain drop hanging from the bench reflecting an image of a leaf which lye beneath it. Then i looked around my surrounds to strike a memory, It triggered many memories. I remember sitting on the playground alone reading a book or drawing. All the other children disliked me so, I had never given them a reason. I was actually a sweet little girl, I showed kindness to everyone, even those who didn't deserve it. Over the years it remained this way, Kids would be cruel, i would be alone doing something productive with my time. As i remember how vicious those people were, I almost can't help but cry. To be honest, The only pure person i had as a friend was God and this little girl who was in the special class, she had crippled legs and she was the sweetest little thing, I adored her so much. Then, When i was about ten, I remember trying to be there friend, doing them favors, telling them secrets about boys i liked. How naive i was, Thinking they were really my friend. I saw them laugh and talk about me, and telling the by i liked i liked him, then taking about how weird i was. It's disgusting. I remembering coming home and crying. In the summer of 5th grade, I decided to change. I worked out ( i was chubby child) and lost it quite quickly and became considered skinny, And i got style, I became so intrigued with fashion. When school started, I finally had friends. I was so happy, finally. I was the bubbly little artsy girl. But it lasted for so long, I was starting to feel conscious, I didn't believe that they were my friends, the memories of what kids had done to me before was nipping at my heels. So, I started hanging out with punks or, 'Scenesters'. Yes. I started wearing black, chopped my long hair of into a pixie cut that i could tease, wore black eyeliner 'Which looked dreadful on me, I looked like a chucky doll'. I was so cruel to my parents. And sneaky. I snuck and got a myspace and it consisted of such excessive, vulgar language and of coarse, wanted a thousand friends. How silly i feel now. My parents eventually found out, they lost all trust in me and banned me from seeing them ever again. After that i still made bad decisions. Nothing drastic. I've just become a jerk. and going to that place i used to know, made me realize, All this time i have been scarred. Those children scarred me. They made me hard. I was so weak i let them do it to me. I feel like a statue that has been trapped this way for too long. I am going to find myself again. I mean, Ever since a few months ago i've been slowly finding myself again, But i just want to break through the statue completely. I want to get rid of the weeds that cover my heart, which used to have flowers blooming. And i also realized i'm not going to find myself unless i find myself through God. I had lost part of my soul so many years ago, But i'm almost ready to take it back. I am ready to be fully happy. I am ready to see life in a new way. I'm ready to really feel love for everyone. I am ready to finally be free.